This morning Nate ate a little breakfast then in anticipation of the nurse coming to change his wound vac he took pain meds and promptly began to throw up everything he had ate. 1/2 hr later the nurse arrived and with no pain meds inside him when she changed the wound pack it was extremely painful and brought me to tears twice to see him hurt so bad. The nurse has to remove the tape and packing in the open wound, wipe it out repack it and then hook up a mini vacuum that sucks all the air out of the foam which compacts tight into his incision. They say it is best to heal from the inside out. It was a process that took about an hour with his pain level reaching #8 at times! He was pale, dizzy and struggled much like the first time he had it changed!!! This process is repeated Monday, Wednesday and Friday and will be for the next few weeks. Both Alicia and I felt traumatized a bit from it all!! He was holding Alicia’s hand and asked me to rub his feet HARD to try and create a distraction.! He has gone through so much😢…it does not feel right every other day he has to go through this too!!
We are asking for anti nausea meds to help keep pain meds down and liquid lidacane the nurse can soak the sponge with before she peels it off again to help lessen the pain. He was exhausted after it all and Alicia sat by his side for a while holding his hand till they both fell asleep.
I had to go down stairs for a bit and have a good cry. I know Nate is not the only one who has or will go through this. But as his Mother my heartaches. I get a very small glimpse of what Heavenly Mother must have felt when her son, our Savor suffered in Gethsemane for each of us and she too could not stop the pain. I am sure like me, she quietly went off and wept…
So I continue to hold on to what I know, that God is good, that trials are part of this life and we can do hard things when we put our faith in Him. My gratitude and love for my Savior and for my son has grown leaps and bounds especially on hard days like this… just wish I could take the pain away.😞. Love you son! Mom